Hi,
So I mean, if you didn’t know this before, now you do: My name is Anthony Azekwoh, Nigerian artist and author. A couple weeks ago, I was contacted to paint the portraits for a wedding in Lagos. After sustaining many bruises myself (inside and out), I was able to finish the paintings and those are what you see before you now. My manager has informed me that I swear and ramble too much.
True, but fucking hell this was a lot.
Like, you cannot imagine the bullshit that I had to endure for this to even become something tangible, something that we could all finally see. Oh, but I’m the diva. Fuck you!
Sitting on that chair for hours while crazy guest after crazy guest came in looking like they had just come from a WWE special. In fact, I had to call Kiitan (my manager), to make sure I was in the right place.
Anyways, it turns out they didn’t want the paintings I slaved hours for (fucking insane right?), something about them being garish (read: real), so yeah it’s my series now.
Hope my pain was worth it, here it is:
…The Wedding…
Okay, so they all came in one after another and these were their portraits. Each one with their own individual characteristics. I never got round to getting their actual names because everyone was so…fucked. So, I just put the titles as what role they played in the wedding.
Honestly, I’ve been trying to figure out what could have happened at this fucking wedding and honestly, I could use some help.
Maybe we can solve this puzzle together.
Yay.
The HIGH TABLE
The bridesmaid
I don’t know what her deal was honestly. She came into the studio we’d set up— with a lot of time and energy mind you. I wanted us to stop and maybe I don’t know, hand her a tissue.
But she said no.
This was how she wanted to be painted.
The Bride: Aw, she looked so pretty that day. I feel even worse now about the whole thing.
The Groom’s Father: she talked far too much
The Bridesmaid II: She can go to hell.
The best man
This guy was a mountain. I’m a tall guy (6’1 citizen over here). But this guy…I had to look up to see him, his body took the whole frame. And that black eye, man. Whoever could hit a guy like this had to be as big as the fucking sky.
The Groom: I’m sorry that’s my guy, but he did go too far. She shouldn’t have hit him, yes, but… he went too far.
The Bride’s Mother: Complete idiot.
The Groom’s Father: Why do all my children choose to talk with their hands? It’s from their mother.
The Maid of Honour
We were doing the portraits and she was maybe the fourth or fifth person to come round, her face frozen in shock. I tried to ask her what was wrong or if she needed anything but…nothing. Just frozen.
Which, to be honest, did make her easier to paint but made me kinda uncomfortable.
The Bride’s Father: It’s great her and my daughter they patched things up before the wedding. But I wish they hadn’t
The Bride: My love! Who tore her dress? Is that…is that blood??
The Bridesmaid II: You know what, she can go to hell too
Closeups
Wishing wall
Feel free to send your well wishes to the bride and groom here as well as your thoughts on their wedding.
Remember, be nice! Or not.