NOW HIRING.
Director of Unlawful Acquisitions
We’re hiring someone to steal my art. Yes, steal it. Apparently, being “stolen” adds 200% to artistic value and press coverage. Bonus points if you wear a ski mask and leave a mysterious calling card.
Job Description
Anthony Azekwoh Studios is seeking a world-class art thief Director of Unlawful Acquisitions to “liberate” my artwork and make them go more viral.
Candidate will be responsible for:
• Breaking into galleries and/or studios (preferably at night, with style).
• Dramatically cutting canvases out of frames like in the movies.
• Leaving behind cryptic calling cards (them being funny is preferred).
• Accidentally becoming an international headline so my art gains proper cultural value.
• Returning the stolen works once they’re worth millions.
Requirements
• Minimum 5 years’ experience in high-end heists or equivalent mischief.
• Must own at least a pair of black air forces, black turtleneck and pair of leather gloves.
• Parkour skills a plus.
• Ability to dodge lasers in slow motion.
• Willingness to accept payment in “exposure” (literally).
Perks
• Unlimited coffee (or tea) for stakeouts.
• Chance to become a folk hero.
• Bragging rights as “the thief who made Anthony Azekwoh famous.”
• A heartfelt thank-you note… once I buy the paintings back.